Why Most INFJs Don't Have A Group Of Friends
Introverted, private and often reluctant to open up, it’s fair to say the INFJ personality type isn’t the best at making close friends. However, those aren’t the only reasons why this individualistic personality type prefers to keep their friends group to the minimum. In fact, sometimes they rather have no friends at all.. But why exactly is that?
Social settings can play a major role
Making friends and maintaining social relationships is certainly an area of life that most INFJs can find challenging. In fact, social settings and the context in which an INFJ meets new people can play a major role in how the connection will flourish.. or on the contrary, not flourish at all.
In one sense, the INFJ must feel comfortable enough to be themselves, which usually requires a more intimate setting. Yet, the biggest factor that setting and circumstance affect the INFJ’s ability to make genuine friends is repetition.
For example, this personality type is much more apt to make a friend through team workplace settings where they have no choice but to get to know someone a little more day after day. While they much prefer to remain reserved, teamwork makes socializing somewhat unavoidable and inevitable, which is what the INFJ needs to truly get to know someone, and to decipher whether or not they’re able to let their guard down.
They have extremely high expectations
Well.. let’s start by saying that INFJs themselves don’t find their expectations to be considered ‘high’ at all. In fact, when it comes down to it, the INFJ personality type requires the bare minimum of common sense, mutual respect and shared empathy through their friendships.
However, still, that seems difficult to come by. In fact, some INFJs who would be considered to have multiple friendships in their lives may still claim that they don’t have any friends for the sole reason of not being able to consider anyone ‘close’.
This all has to do with the requirements they set out for the people they let in, and oftentimes, people just don’t make the cut. Now, it’s not to say that they’re overly judgmental of the people they meet, but when it comes to putting their emotions, free time and private life on the line, the guards they put up can make them become overly picky.
It’s rare they find a friendship with an equal give and take
Speaking of being persevered as having high expectations, INFJs are givers and they look for the same in their friends. Despite enjoying their alone time, once someone makes it into this personality type’s inner circle, it’s fair to say that the INFJ will do just about anything to help them out.
Whether it’s babysitting for a friend at the last minute, taking over the tedious planning of an event, or simply being the go-to person when someone needs to vent, when the INFJ values someone enough, they’re someone you want on your team.
However, these kind gestures only last as long as the INFJ notices who’s there for them when they need it. While they’re extremely understanding of the fact that life circumstances call for different levels of support and different times, the independent INFJ needs someone to lean on every now and then too. In fact, since they’re usually overly reluctant to ask for help, it takes a special someone to read the INFJ in a specific way.
Their requirements for alone time can get in the way
If there’s one contradicting notion that every INFJ struggles with time and time again it would have to be their mixed feelings of at times preferring to be completely alone while also not wanting to completely isolate themselves from the world.
In fact, the balance between the two is one of this personality type’s biggest concerns in life, especially when it comes to maintaining friendships. This can be noticeable when it comes to certain connections they have, as they’re usually the ones to occasionally dodge texts for days at a time, forget to return phone calls and voicemails, and sometimes even cancel plans at the last minute.
Mostly rooted in their naturally introverted nature, they don’t mean to be this way, yet sometimes they can’t help it. So, if a friend is looking for reliable communication and hangouts for days-on-end, the INFJ often presents a few quirks that need to be overlooked. Luckily, the ones that get it will take these perceived negatives for the loyalty and empathy they give in return.
They don’t trust easily
Similar to the INFJ’s high-set expectations for themselves and the people they allow into their lives, they can be considered just as reluctant to trust others. Despite it taking simple genuineness, consistency and time to allow the INFJ to open up, a lot of the time it can take longer than most people are willing to wait for.
For some connections, this personality type may take months to years before trusting someone to the point of allowing themselves to truly let loose. Contrary to their interest in other people’s emotional vulnerability and depth to their personalities, INFJs aren’t all that willing to share about themselves.
Not only does this require a lot of patience on the other end of the friendship, but it also requires serious emotional understanding to not take offense by it. Because, as the INFJ analyzes and tests the waters within a new connection, their uptight and unwillingness can become noticeable.
This perceived discomfort that may linger past the point of getting to know someone can end up causing the INFJ to seem as if they’re keeping something from that person. A sense of false secrecy that is actually just the INFJ’s fear of trust.
They can sense red flags from a mile away
When it comes to the INFJ and how they perceive other people, it’s fair to say that not all red flags are created equal. Yet, even when they’re able to utilize their red-flag detector in different scenarios, some people with this personality type may consider some things to be suspicious that others would easily overlook.
When INFJs go through their checklist of whether or not they could see themselves actually befriending someone, the first thing that they rely on is the unspoken vibes that person emits. This means that if they don’t exactly line up, INFJs may conclude that the connection wouldn’t work, regardless of other’s opinions.
Usually, if the chemistry isn’t there, this type will write the acquaintance off for the fact that there’s something they just can’t put their finger on. Aside from this introverted intuitive radar, there’s also the noticeable red flags that the INFJ can’t turn a blind eye to. Things like close mindedness, victim mentality, and passive aggressiveness being some of the top few.
They rarely feel understood
A big reason as to why the INFJ feels ‘distant’ from others often has to do with the fact that they are considered one of the rarest and often most misunderstood types of the MBTI. With complex ideologies, extremely high morals, and the ability to see most things in life from all angles, INFJs have a hard time conversing with people who are stuck in their ways.
In fact, open-mindedness and non judgmental thinking are two of the INFJs non-negotiables when it comes to openly sharing their thoughts with someone else. Usually, before even testing the waters, this observative type uses their extroverted sensing and introverted intuition to ‘feel’ someone out.
They may consciously observe a new acquaintance within social settings before contributing to the conversation by any means. This often results in the INFJ taking the back seat as the listening ear rather than the conversation coordinator; meaning they don’t seem all that approachable. Which brings us to our next point..
Their extroverted nature is only revealed once they’re comfortable
Despite the INFJ’s rather chameleon-like nature when it comes to fitting into different social groups and understanding opposite viewpoints, INFJs are rarely the life of the party. Like we said, when it comes to new environments with new people, they much prefer to remain highly alert to the words, gestures, body language and attitudes others project.
Rather than feeling comfortable enough to show the genuine extroverted side that lays dormant inside of them, they can either remain in their introversion or have to constantly resort to up-keeping a false facade.
And so, most of the time they choose to be the analysers, the perceivers and the extroverted feelers of their social environments. Allowing only the lucky few that sense the ‘deep waters’ behind their quiet nature to truly see who they are at the core. But only if they have the patience!